Think you know what to do when your spouse wants a divorce? Take this short quiz and find out!
A. Your wife walks into the home and announces that she wants a divorce. Do you:
- Start laughing in her face.
- Look at her like the proverbial deer in the headlights.
- Get angry and start throwing things.
- Hand her your attorney's business card, because you saw this coming months ago.
B. There's a knock on the front door. When you open it, a young man asks if you are Mr. “so-and-so.” When you answer “yes”, he hands you a manila envelope that you open, only to find divorce papers in it. Do you:
- Stick them on the fridge with magnets so that the kids can see them.
- Throw them in the trash.
- Open the door, run the young man down, and make him eat those papers.
- Scan them and email them to your attorney, so you can start implementing your plan.
C. You're 30 days into the divorce process and your wife threatens that, unless you give her the financial settlement she wants, you'll never see your kids. Do you:
- Tell her “In your dreams, Darla. That's not how this works.”
- Dump your milkshake on her head.
- Threaten her right back that you'll quit your job and then she won't get any money.
- Walk away and let your attorney know what she said, or forward the email to him, so that you can show the Court that money means more to her than the children do.
D. Your wife continuously posts pictures on Facebook of her and her new boyfriend taking vacations, having expensive dinners, buying jewelry, etc. Do you:
- Comment on all her pictures with “Congratulations, whore!”
- Ignore them, you have better things to do.
- Tag her family members and employer on each post.
- Print out all of her pages and send them to your attorney, so that he can file a motion with the Court forcing her to reimburse you for the funds she's dissipated with her boyfriend.
E. Your divorce is almost done, and your soon-to-be-ex-wife calls you up, crying, asking you to just make her a fair offer and this will all be over. Do you:
- Try to negotiate a settlement with her right there, on the phone.
- Say “Little Caesars! Would you like to try a pizza pizza today?”
- Regale her with your own rendition of Luther Vandross' “It's Over Now.”
- Tell her that your sorry she didn't feel this way at the beginning of the divorce, and that you have to follow the plan/steps/strategy that you and your attorney put in place. Then thank her for the call and hang up.
Grading: For each question you answered 1, 2, or 3, award yourself zero points. (Well, except for question “E”. If you got the pipes, might as well use ‘em!) For every question you answered 4, award yourself one point.
If you got less than four points, you need give me a call right now. Having an attorney in place before the divorce starts, who will sit down with you and formulate a plan, and can guide you through the rough spots, is priceless.